Note: The answer is reproduced here. The Quora answer has follow up comments which might be useful as well.
Very good question. Many often struggle with this question, but are unfortunately climbing the wrong ladder - because we just accord a superficial look at these questions. And then wonder why we
do not feel 'fulfilled'.
The answer lies in the nuances of your question itself. Will try to keep my answer practical(useful) as well as nuanced(needed). Please bear with me
What is 'pretending to be in love'?
You say '..going beyond pretending you love...' What is the difference? What is pretending? Doesn't it mean giving yourself reasons to convince that you shouldlove...or DO love..or have found love. But its not "true" anyway. So all those reasons are useless.
True love just is, you do not do it because you should.
Recognizing true love(Doing what you love)
So the better question is: How do you know if you are truly in love with what you do? Or are you just fooling yourself?
I think loving is an act of giving. Note that "convincing" involves creating a list of what you are getting. "You are getting x, y, z in this job. Hence proved" Loving is when you enjoy giving itself. It is more about loving, than being loved, isn't it? Would you still give on a voluntary basis, during your free time, or for free? If answer is yes - then its true love. If you are getting paid for it - amazing! This is when you aredoing what you love. Which automatically means you are loving what you do.
Learning to love(Loving what you do)
The other question is "Is it possible to love what you do, even if you might NOT be doing what you love?" Again the error lies in the question. In the assumption that loving is about 'finding' something and then 'keeping' it. Love is a state of giving. So it starts from you, not 'that thing outside'. If you are ONLY thinking about 'what you will get' - then you are not even starting. So start by asking 'What can I give?' The biggest misconception about being fulfilled is it depends on what you get. It actually depends(not 'should depend') on what you can give of yourself. Think about it. When this 'approach' changes - you suddenly find that there is often a lot to love(or 'give') But we were looking the other way
Fulfillment
..which is what I think it all(and your question) boils down to. Giving means you should have something to give! And you should have a lot of it. So much - that you feel like 'sharing'. Some aspects of what you do might give you that chance. Which makes it worth it. The overlap might be 10% or 90%. The latter gives you a high degree of fulfillment.
But the thing to note is this all is for free. You are not at the 'mercy' of your job. For example - writing poetry and posting it online makes you happy anyway. If it gets popular - even better. But if you are stuck in a war zone as a soldier, the degree of 'overlap' is lesser. Not because the job is bad. But because the 'opportunity to give more of yourself' is less.
Note that you might be valued when you recite your poetry to alleviate somebody's pain, despair. And that can be the greatest gift to someone. And that rare moment might be priceless. But it wont get a chance if you were too busy thinking 'What do I GET from this job?' We got to give love a chance :)
But does the job demand poetry as a basic need - not that much.
To summarize
You can do what you love anyway, and be happy. You do not need a job for that.
You can find things to give, in whatever it is you are doing as well.
Does whatever you are doing give you plenty of opportunities to do so? That depends.
What you can actively try is to try and align 'what you WANT to give' with 'what a job demands'. But the underlying approach needs to undergo a radical shift. From 'what I CAN give...provided I will GET a lot in return?' to 'What do I enjoy giving/sharing anyway?' It is not about 'maximizing your returns' but about 'finding ways to give more of yourself to the maximum'!
Very good question. Many often struggle with this question, but are unfortunately climbing the wrong ladder - because we just accord a superficial look at these questions. And then wonder why we
do not feel 'fulfilled'.
The answer lies in the nuances of your question itself. Will try to keep my answer practical(useful) as well as nuanced(needed). Please bear with me
What is 'pretending to be in love'?
You say '..going beyond pretending you love...' What is the difference? What is pretending? Doesn't it mean giving yourself reasons to convince that you shouldlove...or DO love..or have found love. But its not "true" anyway. So all those reasons are useless.
True love just is, you do not do it because you should.
Recognizing true love(Doing what you love)
So the better question is: How do you know if you are truly in love with what you do? Or are you just fooling yourself?
I think loving is an act of giving. Note that "convincing" involves creating a list of what you are getting. "You are getting x, y, z in this job. Hence proved" Loving is when you enjoy giving itself. It is more about loving, than being loved, isn't it? Would you still give on a voluntary basis, during your free time, or for free? If answer is yes - then its true love. If you are getting paid for it - amazing! This is when you aredoing what you love. Which automatically means you are loving what you do.
Learning to love(Loving what you do)
The other question is "Is it possible to love what you do, even if you might NOT be doing what you love?" Again the error lies in the question. In the assumption that loving is about 'finding' something and then 'keeping' it. Love is a state of giving. So it starts from you, not 'that thing outside'. If you are ONLY thinking about 'what you will get' - then you are not even starting. So start by asking 'What can I give?' The biggest misconception about being fulfilled is it depends on what you get. It actually depends(not 'should depend') on what you can give of yourself. Think about it. When this 'approach' changes - you suddenly find that there is often a lot to love(or 'give') But we were looking the other way
Fulfillment
..which is what I think it all(and your question) boils down to. Giving means you should have something to give! And you should have a lot of it. So much - that you feel like 'sharing'. Some aspects of what you do might give you that chance. Which makes it worth it. The overlap might be 10% or 90%. The latter gives you a high degree of fulfillment.
But the thing to note is this all is for free. You are not at the 'mercy' of your job. For example - writing poetry and posting it online makes you happy anyway. If it gets popular - even better. But if you are stuck in a war zone as a soldier, the degree of 'overlap' is lesser. Not because the job is bad. But because the 'opportunity to give more of yourself' is less.
Note that you might be valued when you recite your poetry to alleviate somebody's pain, despair. And that can be the greatest gift to someone. And that rare moment might be priceless. But it wont get a chance if you were too busy thinking 'What do I GET from this job?' We got to give love a chance :)
But does the job demand poetry as a basic need - not that much.
To summarize
You can do what you love anyway, and be happy. You do not need a job for that.
You can find things to give, in whatever it is you are doing as well.
Does whatever you are doing give you plenty of opportunities to do so? That depends.
What you can actively try is to try and align 'what you WANT to give' with 'what a job demands'. But the underlying approach needs to undergo a radical shift. From 'what I CAN give...provided I will GET a lot in return?' to 'What do I enjoy giving/sharing anyway?' It is not about 'maximizing your returns' but about 'finding ways to give more of yourself to the maximum'!
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