The underlying meaning of the movie 'Finding Fanny'

For people who hated Finding Fanny because it was too 'unrealistic' or too weird....or liked it only for the great cinematography....it goes much deeper than that. Its not just about 4-5 whackos on a road trip. It is about the utter meaninglessness and randomness of life. the whole irony of it. WE attach 'deep meanings' and 'lessons' and 'wisdom' to events - but the universe just does not care! It does not function according to our expectations.We are insignificant specks trying to choose random beads and weave together a beautiful story to celebrate ourselves.

For people who already got it, stop here. Others read on...

(SPOILER ALERT)
Pankaj Kapoor is an extreme egotist. He thinks the world revolves around him....but nobody notices even when he DIES! But his painting lives on and becomes a masterpiece....though it seemed 'weird' to begin with. Ranveer singh is the quintessential 'positive' guy who thinks everybody loves him, people cannot say 'no' to him...dies cos his mom tried to save a few pennies on the CAKE decoration...on his wedding!! Naseer lives an illusion his entire life...even gets to PURSUING it.....even ACHIEVES it...but the dream itself turns out to be a joke. Fanny did not even THINK about him, in fact she was a pretty 'colorful' lady. Dimple is trying to be 'in control' - but her life is built on a secret lie. She even thanks naseer for guarding it - AFTER he has disclosed it. She is supposed to be the pupeteer of the village - but Pankaj kapoor controls her like a puppet(when he paints)
Deepika even says at the end..that she would have loved to say 'the journey has given her wisdom etc...but has it?'

The letter itself is the most beautiful example. It never made its way to Fanny. Forget being 'not delivered' - it did not even START on its way. Naseer was exactly at the same spot 40 years ago - but he made long journeys IN HIS MIND. In fact, he is in the same spot from a JOB perspective - having taken up the spot of the same guy who screwed up his love life in the first place. The irony!!

Nothing is at it seems. What we are chasing are often our own illusions. We think we are in control, but its just lucky, merry coincidence.So relax. You are totally out of control 

Making our own choices

(Based more on an Indian context)

During childhood:

• Recite tables until 20 without having a clue to what they mean anyway
• Be compared with the neighbourhood kids and 'why you are useless' anyway. Do not find what you are good at - but work based on 'What you suck at' anyway
• Work hard at school, in ALL subjects with no clue what you prefer or why anyway
• Be convinced that the subjects you love are the subjects that you get good marks in. Then get thrashed

Where can you find the most beautiful girls?

What is perfect beauty? A beautiful face, large eyes, a petite nose, full lips, delicate ears, a slender neck, full breasts, a back that tapers beautifully to a thin waist and then smoothly expands to full, feminine hips again curving into thin toned, smooth legs? Flawless skin with beautiful silky hair? Seems perfect or atleast close? Well, don't you see that description everywhere? On TV, on ramps, in billboard ads, in newspaper ads staring out at you with the perfect pout, the perfect smile, the perfect look, the perfect body. After a point it starts seeming that they are being churned out of an assembly line. Perfect - to the last 'specification'!! Beautiful? Yes. But one goes, and you see another. And what is 'perfect' beauty if you always seem to find another good enough substitute? Can that qualify as perfect, rare beauty? Seems like there is some missing element.

It feels as if God sat down one day, bored with the task of making beautiful women, handsome men...and found a way to 'automate'. Mass manufactured the perfect beauties and wrote down their fates too - models, beauty contest winners, cover girls...the more mundane of jobs, the more 'predictable' of jobs - where you go and know exactly what you will get - Perfection. Jobs which fit them perfectly, and they fit it perfectly as well. Then, when He got all spiced up again, He sat down to work on each girl, with his own hand, manually...and the imperfection that goes into it. Like the difference between a painting and a photograph.

You are in a train, you might feel captivated by the new girl on the mag cover...but what really takes your breath away is perhaps the girl sitting at the opposite window, reading a book, her hair blowing in the gentle wind...or maybe you are on your way to office and you stop, your eyes rooted on a girl who is happily talking to her boyfriend on the phone. Or maybe you are all grumpy after a hard days work, standing in front of the elevator, the door opens and out emerges a girl whom is...just ........IMPERFECT! She gives you a courteous smile...and you are even afraid to blink and miss seeing her even for a hundredth of a second. Is she perfect? Far from it! But maybe THAT is what does the trick! The dimple on her left cheek, the imperfect lips which are nearly full.....but seem to be just a little crooked, the eyes which would be just beautiful except for the small scar above the right eye, or is it the smile? Nothing seems to make sense individually, but together, all the imperfections resonate in perfect harmony. It’s not the lips, it’s the smile, it’s not the eyes, it’s the look in them, it’s not the smile and the look either....it’s the mischief behind that look and the smile. Something that connects, something that 'touches', something that you enjoy beyond the visual level, something that does not create a short blissful moment but creates a feeling that lingers....leaves you thinking about her. And you wonder....she was all imperfect...but put together, she is God's greatest masterpiece. It’s not just her exterior but the entire HER that impresses – melts your heart.

God might have created the perfect girls for the work of enticing men...on stage, in books, but He sprinkled the real heart stealers, the heart melters in places that you least expected - so that they could pull our heart strings and make us appreciate the perfection in the imperfect.

Real beauty is much closer than you expected. Just Look around!

Articles on the Delhi rape case - Bringing in change

This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. Presented in serial order for reading convenience. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

If you like allegorical stories better, here's a single story to show how we are the system ourselves, and blaming it is like blaming ourselves. Read Changing the system - An allegorical story

The articles:

1. We have not figured this one out – do we agree?
2. What exactly do we want? How badly?
3. Myths about the ‘Law’ : What it is and what it's not and cannot be
4. The truth about ‘Change’
5. The importance of ‘Seeing’
6. Conclusion and Summary
7. Helpful questions(NOT directions)

From ownership to cooperation

Can we move from the "This part is mine"  to the "I am responsible for this part" mindset? From ownership to cooperation. One is based on the illusion of division. It assumes that one part can flourish even if another withers and dies. That its POSSIBLE for the part to flourish regardless of the whole. And then wonders why all efforts to "control" what it "owns" seem to fail. The other sees the unity of the whole, hence accepts that it cannot control it. The brain might "control" the heart, but needs blood from it to do so. The heart might control the food for the brain, but depends on the brain to do so. Once we see this, We stop controlling the part, and start  contributing to the whole. Boundaries and borders  then become statements of responsibility instead of ownership.

Probing Economic 'principles' of the 'free' market

Too many things are taken at face value. For example, economic law 101: When supply drops, prices rise. But we forget that they NEED not. It is at the seller's discretion. He may choose to sell the last kilo of grain to the rich fat guy who offers a thousand rupees, or give it away to the starving family for free.

"But that's absurd! Resources are limited, and takers too many. Prices allow for balance..."

Messy thoughts

Most 'complex problems' are often euphemisms for mess that we ourselves create. Like a messy room from where you scream "Mom!! I can't find my socks!!!" 

'Cool' Mom finds it unquestioningly for you..its a miracle! And 'complex' technology invents the sock-finder that can detect your socks through a truck load of clothes. As the complex technology becomes more common, the complex mess becomes more 'normal'...A costly sock-finder upgrade becomes inevitable. It finds what you want from double the mess in half the time. What a relief! Gen-X kids wonder "How did they even survive in the old days without the sock finder!!" Can't blame them..they have inherited a messy world where the sock-finder is a basic need. 

'Uncool' Mom screams "Why the heck do you need $2000 for a sock-finder to escape from the mess you created?" and hands you a $2 broom. Problem solved(??)

Maybe this is too simple...the real world is very complex...it demands people who offer solutions. Simplicity demands asking the right questions that pierce the mess to reveal the answers. Creating a mess again becomes impossible.

Solutions are achieved, answers are just revealed. If the answer is too complex, we have probably not understood the problem yet.

Kejriwal's resignation

• Political rivals call it a cheap publicity stunt...to gain something bigger
• Political analysts call it an excuse to focus more on LS polls...to gain something bigger
• AAP says it is about renunciation(of Power) and taking moral responsibility. That the above folks cannot fathom this concept. It seems unthinkable to them that something can be done WITHOUT some bigger motive in mind. I agree about these other folks...but the issue is not their response, but his resignation. 

Interviewers should pose the simple question to Arvind Kejriwal: "How exactly does your resignation help the state/nation?" If he goes on about taking moral responsibility - thank him for his intentions, but ask him to do what is done when 'taking moral responsibility' : APOLOGIZE for his failure. 

He will not - as was evident

Challenging the status quo: What is the objective of an interview or a panel discussion?

It is quite interesting to see reactions to interviews. "He was not grilled enough", "They never ask him the hard questions", "Awesome!! That's how you should humilate these @#$#@!", "Only Arnab has the courage to yell at .."

In short, the man on the chair is the criminal. The interview is simply meant to prove what we already know. 

Is that what a talk or a discussion is about? Confirming, agreeing upon what we already know or have assumed? Even if we succeed at doing that, what have we achieved? What have we improved? What have we achieved? Aren't we exactly at the same spot we started? The sides are already chosen, and the man in the center is the judge. Whare's the fun in that?

I think a good interview approaches not from a position of close minded aggression, but a position of open minded humility. "I don't know" rather than "I will tell you what's wrong". The objective is not humiliation, catching them on the wrong foot; but understanding the other person, his perspective. Not to be confused with agreement. The talk becomes a mutual investigation - the aim is to find out the truth and move on, not to catch the lie and badger him down. 

The same goes for panel discussions; even the mature ones Arnab's being the least). The aim is still to trap - but in a quieter way maybe. 

I wish interviewers would ask themselves the following questions:

- Am I trying to prove him wrong, or to find out the truth?

- Once the answers make the truth obvious, is it worth getting the person to admit it?

- What is the issue? People lying or the impact those lies create?

- What am I aiming to LEARN, rather than PROVE from this discussion? 

- What issue am I aiming to achieve clarity, not a conviction - through this discussion?

- Am I behaving like a judge or a student?

The masses enjoy cheap rhetoric. But I strongly believe an intelligent investigation - produces a positive transformation in the overall situation by itself. It is a step forward for everybody. Rhetoric simply hardens the polarities.  A real conversation has to be tasted to be believed. We are just too used to blind rhetoric, that's all!

When hope wins an election - and what AAP should watch out for

Cynicism is the nemesis of hope. And hope is never a bad thing. But great hopes bring the risk of great disillusionment; and an overhead too.  In addition to crushing our hope - it brings down our ability to hope further. The hope that AAP has brought to the masses is in itself their greatest gift. But we have seen our hopes crash earlier, when we hoped for a corruption-free India in 2011 - courtesy Anna's Jan Lokpal movement. It did not work out despite Anna and co's greatest intentions. Will AAP learn from those mistakes? Avoid the same now? 

AAP ka decision or aap ka decision?

They accused governments of being indecisive. Now they need a special SMS campaign to decide whether THEY themselves want to form a govt or not? Are they afraid to take a decision themselves - even if the constitution allows them to? They will receive flak no matter what decision they take. But isn't that what being a leader is all about? And if they cannot take this decision - how will they take other tough decisions later? Conduct a poll for everything? People elected them to be leaders, not polling machines. And they are proving people were wrong....TAKE a decision guys!! A majority only conveys the majority perception. Not the right action. Leaders are the ones who hopefully have the wisdom, courage, discrimination and ability to take the right action

 

What is the nature of Evil?

Every time evil incidents like the Mumbai Rape case happen, we start rambling about our rich past, "preserving Indian culture", about how great we once were, about how great we can be. That allows us to procrastinate. 

Culture is what is happening NOW, not 3000 years back. What is happening now is what we ARE. This is not a brief detour from the past. We ARE sick right now. That is the only reality - the rest is imagination. 

"But I did not do it!!" - A true story

"Uncle, this guy has thrown garbage in the compartment!!". It was a 10-12 year old school student talking to me. I was sitting almost alone in a first class compartment, and these bunch of 6-7 school children had hopped in. I looked where he was pointing at and saw a few sheets of crumpled newspapers thrown on the floor of the train compartment.

7. Helpful questions(NOT directions)

Author's note: This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order starting with the first one here, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

• What part of reality am I ignoring, refusing to understand(NOT 'agree' with) - no matter how ugly, or downright wrong it is? If it is REAL, it deserves to be understood. If our understanding is partial, the solution will be partial. The unattended parts will eventually grow and come back to haunt us.
• Does my solution seek to integrate the entire reality, or simply try to 'censor out' the uncomfortable parts - through killing, scaring, intimidating? If it's the latter, I am just deluding myself. It is impossible.  It might work for the minority, or in the short term. It's like hiding the ugly sapling under a cloak. But reality keeps growing, regardless of our preferences and will emerge eventually - and will be much stronger by then.
• Before I attempt to change reality, does my solution seek to understand reality as it IS right NOW(considering the people, system, costs, taxes, corruption, leaders, culture, diversity, biases, poverty, lack of education, personal feuds, level of passion, engagement, apathy, interest), or simply state on how it SHOULD BE, no matter how low or minimal these standards are? If the starting point is not in the PRESENT, we can never start. Only scream that we SHOULD.
• Do I ask 'What is right?' or 'What is true?'. Rightness is subjective, conceptual and hence static, unchanging. It is easy to get attached to my own concepts, 'fight' for it. Because if 'I AM Right', being wrong would mean that I dying. The inquiry becomes a battle.  If I am seeking the truth, being wrong would mean seeing what I hold as 'false'. I would happily let it die. So that the new me can live. There is no 'threat'. The inquiry becomes a 'team investigation' rather than a contest. This realization is helpful when we challenge and analyze our core beliefs, practices. It allows us to keep asking 'Why?'. To treat 'wrongs' as an outcome, rather than a cause.
• Am I blaming the 'system'? Do I realize that the system is just an ugly concept that I think I can dissociate from? Do I see that the system is not just the government - but the sum total of the people who run it, who created it, who use it, the way in which they use it, who change it, who refuse to change it, who leave it, their actions, their thoughts. MY 'concept' of the system is the RESULT of this complicated inter-relationship. My REACTION to this concept, along with others' is playing a role right now, on what this system will become NEXT. I am both - the cause and the result. I think I can blame it, that I can dissociate from it - because I do not SEE this oneness. My vision is not  big enough to see the entire system. But that does not mean I am not a part of it. So what I do right NOW, at THIS moment, every moment becomes supremely important. Suddenly, blame gives way to a sense of great responsibility. An easier way to understand, is the response of young children to their family environment. The world might be much bigger, parents might come in a million shades - but for the children, the parents ARE the only world they have. That is their 'world view'. The responses they cultivate in response to their parents, are the only responses they know in dealing with the world.  But since these responses are limited, the world they can create by their actions is also limited. Almost similar, with a little difference. This world they are creating right now, will be the one pass on to their children. They are the cause and the product of the world.
• Do my 'laws' consider the beliefs of the enforcers(whats true vs Whats right)? The swiftness of justice is directly correlated to their  degree of  belief in the laws.
• Do I ask 'WHO is wrong?' or 'WHAT is wrong?'. It can lead to either an argument or an intelligent discussion

Changing the system - An allegorical story

The medical report was impossible to ignore. SYSTEM CRITICAL!

Muscle tissues had eroded. Had Blamed the sedentary work.Cholesterol was touching the roof. Had blamed the wife for not cooking right. The stress test would blow a fuse. Blamed the boss for it.

I was absolutely sure i had blamed the right people all along. But somehow, the blames hadnt helped over the years. Nothing changed. What had i done to deserve this? A possible death in one year? I felt so helpless!

Enough was enough! Something had to be done! All these bloody bosses had to be killed. Tough times demand tough measures. But then who would run the company? It was a mess anyway, but it is where my family bread came from. Guess i would have to endure the pain in this godforsaken company. i felt so helpless! Why did somebody not do something?

But enough was enough! I am not even sure i could trust the report in the first place. The doctors nowadays are no less corrupt. Might lie to sell the next medicine on the block and earn a fat commission. But the problem was i had to do something! Before i ended up dead for no fault of mine! I could not change the boss, the company, the wife or the doctor. I was damned to work with what i have.

Well, so be it! Something had to be done to improve the system!!!

So for the first time in 15 years....i decided to exercise. Just imagine! I wasting one hour of my life, day after day...for someone elses fault!

But the problems began as soon as i hit the gym. The mind said "it was time to act. And very soon. Eough was enough. Something radical had to be done. My system had to change and become strong in a week max" The gym instructor did not share my seriousness. Kept blabbering some philosophical  crap about it is a slow process, huge chnages are not possible, taking small steps at a time if any real change had to come, trying to not just work on the system but myself first. How i wished he could save his crap for some lecture.  Culdnt he understand the seriousness? It was time to ACT! Not engage in philosophy! These damn philosophers posing as pseudo instructors! Did they even know what the real world was like?? Would it a surprise if my system did not change if left at the mercy of these fools?

But things had to get worse. As soon as i picked up the first dumb bell for my biceps, my heart refused to cooperate. "i have had enough!" they said. "i have been exploited enough. I pump the blood, and biceps get the benefit!" The biceps were not polite either..."have you seen how much fat you have stored inside you over the years you fat loaf? Have you observed what happens if you have to pump blood at even a bit faster rate? We are the victims here! Had it not been for you, this system would be great. Not looking at the face of death" how could i work with weights if the parts of the system were busy calling each other a burden in the first place. Decided to try simple walking.  Why the heck could they not understand that they were all parts of the same system? The heart was only as good as the heavy lifting the biceps had done. The biceps could only expect the amount of blood that they had made the heart to pump over the years! But they would never understand. Incompetent fools!

"I understand" said the pinky finger on my left foot,"but i am just a little finger on the left foot. Whats gonna change by me trying to work? Imagine the huge improvements we could have achieved if these so called leaders...these hands...the legs...the heart for god sake...just did their job right!"

The legs were hopeless "how dare you blame us? Do you remember how you bought a beautiful watch for the left hand? Ask your dearie to help you out now"

As a last resort i pleaded the right leg. After all it was the dominant one and could put its foot down more strongly. "i will not fall for your sweet talk" it said. "do you know that the left leg hogs the nutrients for nothing. Am i dominant only when it comes to work? Why should i share? The first right on this section of the nutrients should be mine!!!"

Finally it gave in after i read the medical report one more time. Started to walk half heartedly dragging its feet. The left leg obliged grudgingly. But it lasted for about ten minutes only. I checked my system quickly. The biceps, hips, back, forearms, calves, abs were all still the same!! Nothing had changed!! "i told you so" said the right leg "what can i do alone? Quit dreaming and be happy with what you have! Even if you are aout to kill yourself. I am sure your brain would conjure up some poetry about your indomitable spirit, your ability to not get affected by events and get back on your feet and other sweet things. Life is short. Have fun!!"

I felt so helpless. It wasnt my fault to begin with. But i still tried, didnt i? If only these parts understood that there is no system. They ARE the system. They landed themselves into the bad events they we trying to delude themselves out of! Life was short. But they had made it much shorter! And painful! And were living in denial!

Its been two years now. My heart suffered yet another shock when the reports came out. When will these fools learn? When will things change? I pray for myself with all my heart. But even God does not seem to care...hey wait, what's this poster..."...sometimes its not your fault, but you still suffer...its unfair..." Exactly!! Atlast somebody who understands!! "...you have tried everything, but nothing seems to work.." Wow!! I love this guy!! "...Its no use blaming yourself, it's a lie manufactured by those pseudo intellectuals..." Exactly!! "Because the real problem is somebody ELSE..NOT you!!! IF your boss had been a good boss, you would not have been stressed. If the politicians had done their job right, you would not be suffering this harrowing commute...." Atlast somebody who has the courage to admit the truth, and say it out aloud!!! "...I will offer you a way to control them, to stop them..There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Are you prepared to devote yourself to me, to get the happiness that was RIGHTFULLY yours???? .....Contact: Baba Hitler"

Now THAT's the man I will surrender to...he can be my only saviour!

6. Conclusion & Summary

Author's note: This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order starting with the first one here, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

We can dismiss all this as too philosophical, too abstract. Instead keep rearranging the furniture and believe the house has changed. Or 'be practical' and make do with 'realistic' solutions. They are great too. As long as we do not make realistic solutions an excuse to postpone, forget or understand the real ones. In fact, the desire to understand is all that we need. If we can sift through the mess and see the truth of how we all make the mess or the goodness happen together, how WE are all in it together - we will be able to take responsibility for it ALL. Change will happen the moment we SEE(not DO) that. And that’s the only change that’s needed – contact with reality. What follows will inevitably be a  good side effect – because it will be based on truth, not conjecture. It will be what’s needed, not what we THINK is good or bad

In summary

• If our past records are anything to go by, we have failed miserably in figuring out this problem. Accepting that is the only option to open up our minds to something new, anything new. And our only hope.
• We want it, but maybe not strongly enough. We either want it or we don’t. Conditions cannot apply. Those conditions are all part of the problem. What is left at the end is our choice
• Law is not about morality. It is about actions an consequences
• The power of a law lies in the certainty, not in the cruelty, of its consequence
• Justice is the mechanism to make this certainty possible, not to judge it or to restore harmony or provide closure.
• It is easier to believe what we actually SEE happening. Faster the justice, more easy it becomes to TRUST the law. More meaningful it becomes to respect it.
• The speed of justice depends on its enforcers, and hence on their belief in it. Enforcers are people, who come from society. Their beliefs are dictated by society.
• They can make it work with or despite the system. They use and therefore determine the efficiency of the system. System meaning processes.
• Effective laws are a true reflection of social beliefs . Hence the degree of change and enforcement is fast. Attempts to change beliefs by changing laws are meaningless.
• Hence understanding what IS, becomes more important than thinking what SHOULD BE
• There is nothing called the ‘system’. We ARE the system. The government, the politicians, the voters are all PARTS of that system.
• Our demands for change are most often demands for conformance. Change cannot be demanded. It is a process of creation. We can only let it happen. Be ready to let the old die, so that something new can be born
• Who conforms to whom is not about morality, but about power. Every dog has its day, but still nothing changes
• A good change is a step towards the truth, a bad change is a step away from the truth
• Since reality cannot be partial, , and has to involve the good, the bad and the ugly, the only way we can change it is to see it and be prepared to work with it in all its ugly glory
• We are ALL in it together. We might not need to blame ourselves for the past, but we are all responsible for the future. The timing, nature, delay of this future will be determined by each one of us

The next obvious question is: What is the solution to all this? The next article attempts to provide guiding questions: 7. Helpful questions(NOT directions)

5. The importance of ‘Seeing’

Author's note: This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order starting with the first one here, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

Imagine a pond separated by a wall. On the left we have blue water, and yellow on the right. The blue is fervently screaming "YOU have to change to yellow!! Don't you see???" The yellow one is appealing for the opposite. What they do not realise that no matter how much they scream, being blue/yellow is their nature. The only change that CAN happen is by them mixing up together and giving rise to something new - not 'right'. This merits repetition. The only change that CAN happen is by them mixing up together and giving rise to something new - not 'right'  Also, they would have to be ready to lose their blueness and yellowness and the attached ‘righteousness’ in the process. Because they would have no clue about what the new would look like. It might be more bluish, than yellowish. Or the other way round. But they cannot KNOW before they take the leap. It is a leap of faith, but the only leap possible. They have to be ready to die and be born again. Whether the new (green) is something better is left to be seen. Even that will be forever a matter of subjective interpretation. But atleast there will be a change. Real change. A transformation. Which will be permanent, not a temporary 'victory'. And isn’t that worth giving up their stances?

The seeing is more important than the mixing. Because that allows them to come together and decide on the degree of mixing, the timing of mixing. They are now fighting on the SAME side. The realize that they are in it TOGETHER, that they are connected, that the extent of their blueness and yellowness will determine the nature of the new outcome. That realization, the fusing, the integration, THAT is the change. What follows will surely be something better – an inevitable side effect. Truly better, even if does not ‘seem’ like it at first glance(because it will have no semblance to Blue or Yellow). The word side effect is important, because we would not have planned it, controlled it - it happened, but for the better. Whatever name we have given the existing system, won’t matter. We will tweak it to be in harmony with our new realization. And realize that we will need to keep tweaking it.. That until now, in fighting for change, we had been resisting it! Our demand for change was actually a demand for conformance – to OUR ideal. That we CANNOT demand change, because we are not supposed to know what it looks like. It is a process of creation, not control. All that we can see is what makes us RESIST change, what holds us back from letting go of our stances, beliefs, righteousness, the certainty that our answer is the only answer. Without this realization, there will only be a wastage of energy, and stagnation, and further frustration. Futile cycles which we never bother to stand aside and understand.

Let us try to bring all the things we read together in the 6. Conclusion and Summary

4. The truth about ‘Change’

Author's note: This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order starting with the first one here, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

We might find it 'idealistic', 'unrealistic' - but the truth is change, no matter how ‘right’, cannot be imposed. The needed 'fear' is the evidence in itself, that the change is not for real. If we need a system to force us to do what we won't otherwise, the system is doomed to fail sooner than later. We seem to know this logically, but when it happens, we still feel angry and shocked. Even practically speaking, for instance - Indian laws, no matter how archaic, are still in abundance. But which ones do get priority and which ones don't, as per the limited resources, will still be determined by the social mindset.

This theory(if it does not sound like the truth yet) surely explains all the disturbing questions that come up(Eg. Why did we need something so brutal to trigger outrage?) and also provides some depressing answers(What use is the outrage? Especially if it is directed at SOMEONE, SOMETHING? It is just a chance for more people to declare THEIR superiority and feel good about themselves, rather than do anything for the victim...or for the aggressors/society. More a  "We TOLD you they were bad!!! WE told you it was too much!! This is TOO much!!....We were RIGHT!!! You were WRONG!!") They can FIGHT for change as much as they want. But the fact is, we can only HELP bring change. The truth is, we can only LET change happen. We will see the exact mechanics of this in the next post.

A good change is a step towards the truth, not towards 'goodness'. A bad change is a step away from the truth, not towards 'evil'. And once we SEE a truth, we cannot step away from it. The change has occurred. The seeing is the change. If we have to invest effort to 'make it happen' - its just one of those many things that have been happening so far. Not 'change'.

Again, we all 'know' most of these things, but do we really SEE them? Or do we all get lost to some degree in our self-created subjectivity? The reality is not 'The few liberals against the many fundamentalists' or the 'enlightened few against the ignorant others'. The reality is that the 'WE ARE primarily fundamentalists - with perhaps a few exceptions that do not practically matter'. Once we can see this - 'WE as a society need to change' will triumph over 'THEY need to change'. 'Change' will stop meaning 'correction'. We will have empathy towards the aggressors as well, NOT sympathy. Because they too are part of the society that we come from.

We will ALL fight on the same side for a change. For ourselves. Not against somebody.

So the question is: Being angry is better than being apathetic. Blaming is better than giving up. But when will we care enough to SEE that we have to take collective responsibility as a society - to work WITH the 'bad guys' and help them help us? That there is no 'them' whom we love to hate. When will we actually SEE? What the heck do we MEAN by 'Seeing'? Read on 5. The importance of ‘Seeing’

3. Myths about the ‘Law’ : What it is and what it's not and cannot be

Author's note: This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order starting with the first one here, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

Maybe before we set out to correct the law, the system, the politicians, the ‘animals in human guise’ - if we can correct our understanding of it, that will hopefully let change blossom, instead of being imposed. Excuse the spiritual shades, but the thought demands it. Here are some erroneous understandings that I think we all suffer from, to some degree. Due to which we end up solving the wrong problems, and then wondering at the unexpected results.

Myth 1. The law is about right and wrong

We automatically accord morality to the law books. Morality is a fiction of the mind, which trickles down to culture. What exists in reality is actions and consequences. Nature(not plants and mountains, but everything) provides this system for free. And nature is the ONLY real law maker, because a 'law' by definition has to assert itself automatically, without any subjectivity. That is what makes it a law.

Man made laws are our attempts to make the consequences more tangible(rather than a matter of karma), and to speed up the cycle of action and consequence. As such, it is surely a reflection of the social mindset and should be. The error is that we try to "design" the consequences, so as to CONTROL the actions - based on fear of course. That's not a law. That is manipulation. And manipulation is about which fear is greater. The perversion has already started. the seed of failure is already planted. The shocking implication is, a law(unlike morality, religion, culture) is not about "It is wrong to rape", but more about "Action: Rape. Consequence: 10 years rigorous imprisonment"."Action: Stealing. consequence:  2 years of imprisonment". Of course, any artificial law inherently has 'judgement' of our priorities built in it. So at most, it can be "As a society, we think rape is far worse than stealing, hence 10 vs 2 years". But that's where it should stop. A law should NOT be about instilling fear, but simply listing out the consequences. The fear might be an unavoidable side effect, but it should not and cannot be the objective. We risk defeating the very structure. The law is simply a list of actions and consequences.

Myth 2. More cruel the consequence, more effective the law

Though we argue about having stricter rape laws, do we really think that a rapist would think "Hmmm, 10 years of imprisonment would be fine, but castration is not". Our attempt to mimic nature will succeed more by guaranteeing that 99 out of 100 rapists are imprisoned, rather than castrating 34 out of 100(the average conviction rate in India for rape cases?) Cruel punishments might provide us our needed dose of vengeance and personal gratification to feel good about the 1 case we know about and conveniently forget about the 66 - but what more does it provide? The power of a law, is in the certainty, not the cruelty of its consequence.

Myth 3. Justice is about providing closure to the victims, restoring balance

Really? Aren't we aware that these battles are purely internal? We might congratulate ourselves, that we, as a society gave them 'closure' - but these traumas go deeper than that, across generations perhaps. And psychology 101 would tell us that it has nothing to do with he law. A Death sentence might be 'good enough' for me, castration for you - but would it be enough for the victim? An extreme example: If one victim says "Castrate him in public and have his family members watch. Then I will be at peace!!!" and another says "What has happened has caused me extreme pain. It will take me quite some time to heal, to face society - even if I know its absolutely not my fault. I wish that my aggressor meet the legal consequences. But that is more to help society and the future, not as a personal vendetta". Who do you think has a chance of recovering earlier? The 'closure' that we trumpet, might be more for us than the victim. Getting justice might make it more justifiable to tolerate the pain, but not easier to accept, and therefore to heal the wound.

Justice is merely about ensuring the consequences that we as a society have decided. Even if those decisions are (and should be) subject to constant debate. Justice is merely the tool to ensure this consequence, not to balance anything to restore harmony.

Myth 4. Law is always a reflection of its society

It SHOULD be. Again, not because it’s ‘good’. But because it makes enforcement swifter – because the enforcers and the society BELIEVE in it.  But it is often not. In fact, the positive thing about Khap panchayats is that their laws reflect the REAL social mindset: good or bad. It shows that the society functions as a collective whole. That justice will be swift and hence, meaningful. The law is for REAL. If we can somehow manage to convince them to change their barbaric mindsets, and HENCE their laws, you can bet that it will be ENFORCED. It serves as a good gauge of REALITY. The first step to change the future is to know the present reality. This becomes extremely difficult if the actual reality(social mindset) and its reflection(law) are not in sync.

Myth 5. Good laws mean a good society

There is nothing called a good law or a bad law. There are clear laws, strict laws but not good laws. In fact, this perception is an incentive to distort reality as per convenience. This leads to many serious problems. Firstly, Morality is subjective, a law is just a law - inherently objective. This allows the rise of a hypocritical society which says great things, but need not be serious enough to let the law reflect it. A more important question to ask those police officers(Tehelka article: 'The rapes will go on' Senior police officers were laying the blame on the rape victims, on the modern culture etc) would have been "So since you think the real problem lies elsewhere, how should the laws be changed accordingly?" THAT would show which laws our police force is READY TO ENFORCE. Without being FORCED to. But our refusal to face reality, banishes us to live in extreme contradictions - and strive for laws that are divorced from reality. This attempt to distort the mirror to produce a sweeter image IS the BASIC problem. Believing that good laws will lead to a good society is the basic problem. Laws are a creation of society; and not the other way round. Effective laws are more a reflection, rather than a complicated creation of society. Hence, the enforcement is swift.  System optimizations, technology advances of course help. But whether we WILL let it help, in which areas, how much and where will we LET it succeed, which loopholes will we choose to plug – is all decided by people, not machines

 Secondly, once law is cut off from reality, it loses its relevance. And hence, its degree of enforcement. And hence people's trust. People start thinking that the 'system' is useless. Exactly like we think 'Politics is bad'. It is, but only if we make it! There is nothing called the 'the law' or the 'system' or 'Politics'. There are people who create them, and people who enforce them. And both are the same! If there was a system, we ARE it. There is no "us vs them". The 'bad them' is just a mental projection. We might hate to admit it - but we just MIGHT be a nation with extremely fundamentalist mindsets. Who knows? We have denied ourselves a mirror for too long.

Thirdly, once we allow the law to enter the realm of subjectivity - this allows the rise of 'I-am-above-the-law' mindsets (moral police, the rioters etc). If the law is about being right, then I can be more right. The law can be wrong. We forget that our duty is to make laws true, not right. Even the 'nobody-is-above-the-law' school loses its strength, because this same liberal school has been busy decrying how bad the laws are. The only difference being that they think their version is the better version.

The fact that Indian laws seldom change is the symptom, the evidence - and not the cause of the problem. We talk a lot about change, but really don't think its important enough to invest the energy to help change the law. The best we can do is to blame the politicians for not doing so.

Again, think Khap villages vs cities. For example, if we LET our laws reflect urban mindsets: it is possible that we would have laws about the length of women's skirts, the timings that they should be out for, whether they should go out to pubs. It would at least help shatter our illusion that we are very different from a Talibanistic society or from the Khap panchayats we supposedly abhor. But atleast they will be enforced. And imagine what will happen if we are sure they WILL be enforced? The law will for the first time become a living, breathing entity. That refuses to die. Or bend down with a bribe. It WILL impact everybody’s lives. And the girls, guys who have a problem will be forced to fight that law (Not a vague ‘system’) right from the moment it is brought up in parliament. But this fight will be much more REAL, much more meaningful. If they don’t, or are OK with it, or are in minority, or fight and fail – that’s fine too. Or when the 'wise elders' verbalize their thoughts, the reaction might jolt them to accept that the world has moved on. We and they will find out WHAT WE REALLY ARE. Good, bad or otherwise. And then attempt to REFORM it if we don’t like what we see – not protest it, blame it. Because we would have already seen reality, and the futility of 'fighting it' would be a fact, not a sad belief. If they care enough, if this is one of the top priorities - they WILL have to try and change the people first, not the laws. It wont be the 'idealistic', but the most 'practical' option.

Bottom line: Its not about which law is good. But the need for it to be 'real'. The level of engagement in the law making process will grow exponentially. If the law is crazy, the impacted people will engage themselves. If the reason is that the lawmakers are too old - but KEEP making laws anyway, youngsters will be forced to jump in, if the reason is that women are in minority and men are making crazy laws for them, women will be forced to jump in..Not because it's our duty, or it's good, or we have turned into a new leaf - but simply because it IMPACTS us for REAL.

Now Let us know 4. The truth about ‘Change’

2. What exactly do we want? How badly?

Author's note: This is a series of 7 articles written during the Delhi Rape case period. The focus is on the nature of change, our understanding of the law, the system and how real change happens. It is strongly recommended to read them in serial order starting with the first one here, lest they seem too abstract and philosophical.

A crime free country, a progressive country, without social evils, a place where there is equality of opportunity, fair distribution of wealth. Isn’t that obvious? But do we want it badly enough? Perhaps not. Or let me say, there are some conditions attached…

 IF only the system would change – we could reach our goal!

You are absolutely right. But it hasn’t. You prayed, you protested, your cried your heart out. It hasn’t changed. That is PART of the problem now. Are you still interested?

But it’s not something WE can control. The politicians do. It’s all THEIR fault. And we are not even asking for much!

You are absolutely right. The politicians have failed us. And we are asking for bare minimums. And it has been denied to us. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS SOMEBODY ELSE’S. But the goal is still not reached. But are you still interested?

 It’s not about the fault. We are just tired!! The system has failed the nation so many times recently...we at least want a system (govt) that is ready to show a willingness to change its mindset

You are damn right. Its frighteningly tiring, and awfully frustrating. Just tells us that our…OUR judgments have failed multiple times. And that’s OK!! The government SHOULD change its mindset. But it hasn’t. The problem is much bigger. But are you still interested? To consider what went wrong? To reconsider the entire approach? To verify whether we are looking at the right problem?

 Its just too hard. Next to impossible. Apna kuch nahin ho sakta.

Maybe you are right. Who knows. You have the right to give up and stop thinking. And not feel guilty about it. It’s YOUR life. Or you have the right to still keep up interest – and keep thinking…Are you still interested?

 Do we want to be right in not trying, or in explaining why it is not possible, or do we want a reason to keep trying? One reason being, if looking at the problem differently gives us new insights, if we feel that we have understood the problem better, we might be able to come up with better solutions.

 Before we try to correct the problem, are we sure we are looking at the problem correctly? Or even looking at the correct problem? Let us start by looking at how we look at the law, the law being the fabric and reflection of the society we live in. Read on to understand the 3. Myths about the ‘Law’ : What it is and what it's not and cannot be