A Leader is often the stereotypical 'extrovert, great orator, charismatic, impressive personality with a great sense of humor'. Have you not felt yourself trusting, relying, following someone who might exhibit none of these stereotypical qualities? Including people who are not materially 'successful'. What is their secret?
I call it Clarity based leadership, which stems from self-awareness.
Let me first talk about self-awareness and leadership individually, and then proceed to showing their relationship.
What Self-awareness is NOT?
Self-awareness is not "evaluation". Evaluation is 'judgement' - which comes from feedback. But feedback is just an opinion. Other's opinions might be less 'biased' - but they are still opinions. They might even be contradictory - your office colleagues say you are a great listener, your wife says you are not. Who to believe? It is also subjective- someone says your questioning demonstrates intelligence, others say it displays arrogance. Who to believe? And why does the difference occur? Because their opinion/judgment/interpretation is biased too, according to their own conditioning.
We often go by the 'majority' - but its all perception after all. Second hand truth. Not first hand experience.
The very fact that there seem to be multiple perceptions implies that the truth is missing. Truth is just a fact, not an outcome of a majority vote. Evaluation including self-evaluation is based on underlying beliefs, conditioning - and therefore not awareness.
What is self-awareness?
Awareness is neutral observation of what IS. Not saying "This is good, I should do this" or "This is bad. I should avoid this". Not even "I should not be judging". But simply observing. The mind will desperately try to 'react' to what is, based on its past memories, beliefs - that's how it survives. But true awareness arises when the mind gives in and becomes silent. The water is undisturbed. Now you can see clearly beneath the surface, without distortion, without having to 'guess', without having to take a majority vote. You see what is. There is clarity. You see the everything in its totality. Not just the fork in the road, but where they end, and where they connect. Its all clear. The decision becomes 'obvious' not an outcome of 'analysis'
But what does this have to do with leadership?
Many believe leadership is about the 'following' you have. But that's 'popularity'. Which is again dependent on majority perception of awesome, cool. You are at the follower's mercy - how can you be the "leader"?
Some say leadership is about being liked - by most of not everybody. But people like you only if you can give them what they want(pleasing) or make them believe that you are giving them what the want(manipulation) or give them what you want in exchange for what you want(motivation: a refined form of manipulation). But motivation relies on keeping the wants, dependency alive. The moment their want ends, the moment their dependency on you ends - you are no longer a leader. You are at best a good "caregiver".
A true leader is not afraid of the "kids growing up and not needing him". He cultivates leaders, not followers. Only that can lead to a 'synergetic' effect, not sustained dependency.
Separating 'need' from 'want'
Growing leaders, or people demands seeing what they need - rather than being dictated by what they want. But isn't "what they need" also an opinion? Good question. The answer depends on 'need for WHAT?'.
If it is "what they need.... so that you can meet your goals" - its still motivation/manipulation etc. If it is "what they need to come closer to the truth", then 'you' are out. But it cannot be YOUR version of the truth. They have to see it for what it is - in order to gain that clarity and knowing which road to take. But if they do not have the clarity, and you are the leader here - what needs to happen to help them achieve that clarity?
Clarity based leadership
You have to be extremely clear yourself first. You also have to be clear that they are NOT clear. That their minds are conditioned. If you start judging that as 'bad', 'immature'..you are 'disturbing the water', The 'cloudiness of the situation' is increasing. If your mind can be undisturbed, and can be aware of the total situation including their AND YOUR own conditioning - you know what needs to be done. Note that you have not become 'superior'. You have just become AWARE of your conditioning, Hence you are free of it.
How to cultivate self-awareness?
Its simple - and hence difficult...for a conditioned mind. A mind that seeks heavy proofs, analysis, evidence according to its own conditioning, before it will accept another equally strong "belief".
All that you need to do is OBSERVE, NOTICE. See "What is happening..." See your reactions, your fears, your thought process, your feelings in situations. WITHOUT TRYING TO STOP THEM. All the while - not just during 10 scheduled minutes of meditation. That's it!!!
Remember that the mind DEPENDS on 'reacting' to survive. A situation produces a sensation, which triggers a memory, which sets of a reaction(judgment/clinging/condemnation), produces another sensation and thus a spiral. When you are only seeing - you have cut off the fuel supply. The "crazy engine chatter" slows down as your self awareness increases.
Also, you are not 'cultivating' self-awareness. You are just dropping the resistance to what is - including the mind chatter. Refusing to stop the ripples by throwing more stones into the water. Letting it settle...on its own. The more you 'try', the more disturbed it will become.
Clarity ---> insight --> leadership
When you achieve clarity, you begin to see 'more'...you see how you might be throwing stones into their ponds as well. And you stop doing that. They might condemn you, hate you when you are strict...try to flatter you, congratulate you when you pamper them...but you are undisturbed. Because you are no longer afraid of what is - including your own fears - you are free of fear. Because you are free - You do not "need" anything from them. You do your part, but there is no need to manipulate them into "achieving" anything. This automatically builds trust. People 'trust' your insight more than theirs. Even when it leads them to something that seems scary at first sight. But they trust that you might see what they don't. That eventually, it will lead them to greater good. When this happens, you don't need to 'motivate' them, manipulate them. If they fail, they still take responsibility. Isn't that a sign of real growth?
This also explains why leaders come in many forms - not just the stereotypical 'extrovert, great orator, charismatic, impressive personality with a great sense of humor'. Have you not felt yourself trusting, relying, following someone who might exhibit none of these stereotypical qualities? The common factor between these people is the unshakable inner calm, which might be expressed in a speech, a smile or even silence. But every expression emanates from a beautiful silence, not confused noise.
Unbelievable but true
No motivational strategies, no 'trying', no incentive systems, not even doing anything for them, not even 'doing' anything for YOURSELF...but just watching yourself. Letting the clarity set in. The rest just happens.
Leading the way by walking on it, with open eyes, with clarity..(How can you lead if your own sight is clouded?) Without bothering if you are being followed. That is true leadership
