Emotions can often get out of hand and cloud our judgement. Nobody wants that. We often do not like people who cannot "handle their emotions". But there are people, for instance artists, musicians who feel deeply. Their art is an expression of themselves, and people love them. They are peaceful, compassionate, sensitive. So where does one draw the line? On the other hand, we have people who become "indifferent", "detached" and call it being "calm", "objective". Where does objectivity end and indifference begin?
We have to understand the process of how feelings, emotions, thoughts come into being. There are different degrees and stages based on which the lines can be drawn
The original feeling
This is the unnamed 'churn' within. We can simply call it "our bodily response to stimuli". This is not within our control. Its just a play of energies. It has no name.
The degree of feeling: Emotional sensitivity. "Feeling deeply"
I like to call this emotional sensitivity. Some people are less sensitive, some are more. The degree of churn is less or more to the same stimuli. But this is involuntary. 'They' have not entered the picture yet. Its just a natural process. Not having these is impossible. We have not even named it yet. Its just energy. Not within our control. Not even within our perception. Everybody is highly sensitive to begin with - but we can 'blunt' the edge of our perception as we go. We will see how as we proceed.
'Our' response: Emotional reaction
I like to call this our emotional reaction. This has 2 steps: naming and judging:
1. The first step is naming the feeling: anger, disgust, love etc. This is based on our memories, past conditioning. There is a "retrieve, compare and identify" process - thought or the mind has kicked in. What we are comparing the feeling with a past memory. It is something from the past - not actual feeling. The label we will use is for the past, not the actual feeling. So our perception is inevitably 'colored', distorted. The moment we name the feeling, a gap has crept in between reality and our perception of it. It has entered into the mind's realm, and become a thought. The feeling is lost. But we often do not realize it and the perversion starts.
2. Judging the feeling: We not only have past memories. We also have an aversion/clinging to them. This aversion/clinging is also based on past experience. But because we have determined that the current feeling is same as the old one - we respond with the same judgement. Remember that the current feeling was neutral when it started. The naming was done by thought. The judgment(condemnation or approval) is further thought's work. Judgment increases the gap between reality and our perception becomes much wider. Our perception is distorted.
The degree of emotional reaction
Since the perceived feeling is a repetition of the past - the reaction is also magnified. Our aversion becomes more aggressive, and our clinging becomes more desperate. The degree of distortion is directly proportional to this magnification. We are not responding to reality, but to an extremely distorted version of it, which is based on our own perversions. Towards our own past memories. The feeling is long lost. We are condemning/clinging to ourselves, or whatever it is that 'thinks' and we have identified with. Our response can never be optimal enough to meet the real challenge.
The irrationality begins
Responsibility is our response-ability. But sometimes we hate our reaction so much, we are so divorced from reality, that we see it as different from us - we disown it. "This can't be real!!", "This is unfair!!!", "I do not deserve this!!". We have simply lost our ability to respond. This is irresponsibility. Which goes hand in hand with irrationality. Because the moment our mind enters the picture, we own everything that follows. It is not a matter of "choice". But we convince ourselves it is. Self-contradiction is born. This is irrationality. This irrationality can take many forms:
a) Repression: Our response is one of anger. But we disown it. "This cannot be me". What it really means is "This cannot be the 'me' that I like, and the one I am equipped to handle" So it gets repressed. This is an explosive mixture of the stuff we do not like about ourselves, but were forced to experience.
b) Blow ups: When the mixture reaches a critical mass, it explodes. Every blow up is a result of past repressed memories. We are responding not just to the present, but to all past repressed memories.
c) Indifference(consistent repression): True rational behavior happens automatically. If we have to do it voluntarily, it probably is 'rationalization' of something irrational. As the repressive cycles repeat, we are forced to manufacture justifications for our behavior so as to be able to 'live with our repressed selves'. A good way is to desensitize ourselves to the feelings in the first place. So we build a static layer or wall of thoughts to define ourselves. Indifference just becomes "I am extremely rational/objective/calm", "I don't do feelings", "My feelings are just too complicated"(Feelings are feelings, our inability to perceive and put them in a slot is complicated)
d) Aggression(consistent blowing up): "I am just more sensitive!", "I cannot be as insensitive as you!!". Note that the 'sensitiveness' here is an excuse for the heightened reaction. In fact aggressive behavior is also rooted in fear. The blowing up becomes too frequent to justify. So we try to earn the "right to be aggressive"
The ideal is to of course experience and process the original feeling as is, without any need to distort, repress, judge it in any way. Is that possible? Is it practical? Well, that's another topic.
We have to understand the process of how feelings, emotions, thoughts come into being. There are different degrees and stages based on which the lines can be drawn
The original feeling
This is the unnamed 'churn' within. We can simply call it "our bodily response to stimuli". This is not within our control. Its just a play of energies. It has no name.
The degree of feeling: Emotional sensitivity. "Feeling deeply"
I like to call this emotional sensitivity. Some people are less sensitive, some are more. The degree of churn is less or more to the same stimuli. But this is involuntary. 'They' have not entered the picture yet. Its just a natural process. Not having these is impossible. We have not even named it yet. Its just energy. Not within our control. Not even within our perception. Everybody is highly sensitive to begin with - but we can 'blunt' the edge of our perception as we go. We will see how as we proceed.
'Our' response: Emotional reaction
I like to call this our emotional reaction. This has 2 steps: naming and judging:
1. The first step is naming the feeling: anger, disgust, love etc. This is based on our memories, past conditioning. There is a "retrieve, compare and identify" process - thought or the mind has kicked in. What we are comparing the feeling with a past memory. It is something from the past - not actual feeling. The label we will use is for the past, not the actual feeling. So our perception is inevitably 'colored', distorted. The moment we name the feeling, a gap has crept in between reality and our perception of it. It has entered into the mind's realm, and become a thought. The feeling is lost. But we often do not realize it and the perversion starts.
2. Judging the feeling: We not only have past memories. We also have an aversion/clinging to them. This aversion/clinging is also based on past experience. But because we have determined that the current feeling is same as the old one - we respond with the same judgement. Remember that the current feeling was neutral when it started. The naming was done by thought. The judgment(condemnation or approval) is further thought's work. Judgment increases the gap between reality and our perception becomes much wider. Our perception is distorted.
The degree of emotional reaction
Since the perceived feeling is a repetition of the past - the reaction is also magnified. Our aversion becomes more aggressive, and our clinging becomes more desperate. The degree of distortion is directly proportional to this magnification. We are not responding to reality, but to an extremely distorted version of it, which is based on our own perversions. Towards our own past memories. The feeling is long lost. We are condemning/clinging to ourselves, or whatever it is that 'thinks' and we have identified with. Our response can never be optimal enough to meet the real challenge.
The irrationality begins
Responsibility is our response-ability. But sometimes we hate our reaction so much, we are so divorced from reality, that we see it as different from us - we disown it. "This can't be real!!", "This is unfair!!!", "I do not deserve this!!". We have simply lost our ability to respond. This is irresponsibility. Which goes hand in hand with irrationality. Because the moment our mind enters the picture, we own everything that follows. It is not a matter of "choice". But we convince ourselves it is. Self-contradiction is born. This is irrationality. This irrationality can take many forms:
a) Repression: Our response is one of anger. But we disown it. "This cannot be me". What it really means is "This cannot be the 'me' that I like, and the one I am equipped to handle" So it gets repressed. This is an explosive mixture of the stuff we do not like about ourselves, but were forced to experience.
b) Blow ups: When the mixture reaches a critical mass, it explodes. Every blow up is a result of past repressed memories. We are responding not just to the present, but to all past repressed memories.
c) Indifference(consistent repression): True rational behavior happens automatically. If we have to do it voluntarily, it probably is 'rationalization' of something irrational. As the repressive cycles repeat, we are forced to manufacture justifications for our behavior so as to be able to 'live with our repressed selves'. A good way is to desensitize ourselves to the feelings in the first place. So we build a static layer or wall of thoughts to define ourselves. Indifference just becomes "I am extremely rational/objective/calm", "I don't do feelings", "My feelings are just too complicated"(Feelings are feelings, our inability to perceive and put them in a slot is complicated)
d) Aggression(consistent blowing up): "I am just more sensitive!", "I cannot be as insensitive as you!!". Note that the 'sensitiveness' here is an excuse for the heightened reaction. In fact aggressive behavior is also rooted in fear. The blowing up becomes too frequent to justify. So we try to earn the "right to be aggressive"
The ideal is to of course experience and process the original feeling as is, without any need to distort, repress, judge it in any way. Is that possible? Is it practical? Well, that's another topic.
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